"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."
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"A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing."
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"He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often, and loved much."
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"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong."
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Pam Beesly: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might- I just- I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. Um. I like to do illustrations. Mostly watercolor, a few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good!
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[touring Dwight's daycare]
Dwight Schrute: Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English, uh, letters. I see you found our magical toy box, Jim. Jim Halpert: These are actually forks and knives from the break room. Dwight Schrute: [chuckles] Jim. To you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and Ms. Fork. Pam Halpert: And a soy sauce packet. Dwight Schrute: Oh. [picks it up] That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2pUVwNl
Dwight Schrute: Hey, hey hey hey. I got your text, who's Phillip?
Michael Scott: No no no. Dwight Schrute: [to Phyllis] Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip? via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2pbxEXW
Pam Beesly: I'm coming with you!
Michael Scott: You are? Pam Beesly: Yeah. Michael Scott: Ok. It's gonna be great! Pam Beesly: Great. Uh except I don't wanna be a receptionist anymore. Michael Scott: Right. Executive Assistant. Pam Beesly: Salesman. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2pV05ah
Andy Bernard: Feel ya, dawg.
Michael Scott: Yeah? Do you? Andy Barnard: Absolutely. Michael Scott: What'd I say? Andy Bernard: You said rrrrruh-duh-duh-duh-doo! Which is like [snaps] right on. Pam was like "bleh bleh bleh", and you were like "hyeah!" Psh! Nailed it. Michael Scott: [under his breath] Oh. Oh, no. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/1JSb2uE
Michael Scott: There could be others. I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else.
Dwight Schrute: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive. Michael Scott: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/1ME1sRl
[Michael turns into Toby]
Michael Scott: Oh. My. God. [pause] That's why people are leaving. I... I have no words. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/1hqZXe2
Jim Halpert: I think it would be weird if everyone from Scranton came here. It'd be like going to your highschool reunion and you saying, "hey I missed you guys." And they're like, "oh don't worry about it, we're all going to move in with you... forever."
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"A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso."
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"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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Dwight Schrute: You gotta learn Jim, you are second in command but that does not put you above the law.
Jim Halpert: Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean? Dwight Schrute: Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those. Jim Halpert: Lay it on me. Dwight Schrute: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation. Jim Halpert: Now, that sounds serious. Dwight Schrute: Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. Jim Halpert: Which would be me. Dwight Schrute: That is correct. Jim Halpert: Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disagulation. Dwight Schrute: What's a dis- What's that? Jim Halpert: Oh you don't wanna know. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2prpaN5
Pam Beesly ...Your keyboard has more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat.
Kelly I hear your momma has more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat! Michael Scott Oh, that's true! I dated her momma, and you know wha-- Jim Halpert --Stop. Michael Scott ...no, right. via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2pUUv7P
Pam Beesly: [cheerfully and awkwardly] That was weird huh! It's all part of the presentation. [long pause] It was confusing, right? Because confusing, situations, happen to us all the time in our jobs. [pause] I'm just trying to bridge the gap, between what just happened and the fact that I am going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [looks at cards] "Sales is like a box a chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get." Forrest Gump.
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Michael Scott: [after robbery] So much for sex without consequences.
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Kevin: Jim has got it bad for Pam.
Creed: Oooh! ...Which one is Pam? via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/1NuYz6U
Dwight Schrute: Hey I have an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse could live.
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Michael Scott: Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes, three times a month, I think I know how to ride a bike.
[Jim and Pam are holding Michael steading on the bike] Jim Halpert: Are you sure you once knew how to do this? Michael Scott: I did, yes! I had those extra wheels on the back, that support you. [Jim and Pam start walking Michael on the bike...] Michael Scott: Mich-ael! Mich-ael! [everyone starts cheering as Michael starts moving] Michael! Jim Halpert: Just steer more now! Michael Scott: Oh my God!!! [Michael hits a crashes then gets up cheering] Michael Scott: You never forget! Wooo! via 5 Random The Office Quotes http://ift.tt/2pUNaVW
Michael Scott [for video to himself] January three, 2011. A day which will live in-famously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man. This is freaking me out. I- okay, let's switch to the happy video, okay? No, no, no, no, let's push through. We'll do this.
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Dwight Schrute I can't use Phyllis! Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space! God, you're so insensitive.
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