How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!
~ Unknown
Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.
- Joel A. Barker
Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
~ Unknown Source
If you're born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a 'Bang.
~ Unknown Source
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year and when they arrive I'll say 'I ordered this damn pizza a year ago!
~ Unknown Source
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
~ P J Orourke
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
~ Mark Twain
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
~ James Agate
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